Saturday Night Humor

PERKS OF BEING OVER 50   

~If you're not over 50 . . . 

this is what you have to look forward to.~

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 

3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

4. People call at   9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you???"

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat dinner at 4 pm.

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. 

11. You no longer think of speed limits as challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks     into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music. 

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay  off. 

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologist s than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. 

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list! 

And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience. 

You should send this to anyone you can remember!!

Image #1  source -  tech2date.com
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Saturday Night Humor

10 Things You Should Know About 

Texas & Texans 

          

1. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar.

2. Backwards and forwards means, 'I know everything about you.'

3. The word 'jeet' is actually a phrase meaning, 'Did you eat ?'

4. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH ‘EM...

5. You measure distance in minutes.

6. You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.

7. You carry jumper cables in your car --- for your OWN car.

8. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.

9. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good stew or chili weather.

10. We don't need no dang driver's ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive, dat-gummit.

Pucker Up

A little prospector wearing clean new shoes walked into a saloon.

 A big Texan standing at the bar said
to his friend, "Watch me make this dude dance."

He walked over to the prospector and said,
"You're a foreigner, aren't you? From the East?"

"You might say that," said the prospector, "I'm
from Boston and I'm here prospecting for gold."

"Now tell me something," said the Texan,
"Can you dance?"

"Well I'm going to teach you," said the Texan. And
with that the Texan took out his gun and started
shooting at the prospectors’ feet.

Hopping, skipping, and jumping the little prospector
made it to the door shaking like a leaf.

About an hour later the Texan left the saloon.
As soon as he stepped outside the door he heard
a click. He looked around and there, four feet from
his head was the biggest shotgun he had ever seen.

The little prospector said, "Mr. Texan, have you
ever kissed a mule?"

"No," said the quick thinking Texan,

"but I've always wanted to."

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Saturday Night Humor

Lost in the Translation

Sven and Helmut worked together, and both were laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office.

Asked his occupation, Helmut said "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties."

The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.

Sven was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter" he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job the clerk gave Sven $600 a week.

When Helmut found out he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

The clerk explained: panty stitchers were unskilled and diesel fitters were skilled labor.

"What skill?" yelled Helmut. "

I sew the elastic on, Sven pulls on it and says, "Yep, diesel fitter".

Saturday Night Humor

Time to relax...

Breathe deeply, 

and Enjoy some serious Saturday night silliness!

 

I WISH!!!

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Saturday Night Humor

Hilarious Senior Humor

Write It Down

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

"Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.

"No, I can remember it."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"

He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it!

Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.

"Where's my toast ?"

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What should I do with this email? Keep it? Or toss it out? Tell us something funny in the comments section. We’d LOVE to hear it.

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Saturday Night Humor

Have you heard any good jokes lately? Tell us all about it in the comments section. I could use a good laugh right about now. Go ahead...

Make Me Laugh!

________________________________________

"YOU NEED A SHORTER PASSWORD."

While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi.

“It’s taped under the modem,” I told him.

After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?”

By: Sharon McGinley, Talbott, Tennessee

________________________________________

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Did you hear about the 83 year old woman who talked herself out of a speeding ticket by telling the young officer that she had to get there before she forgot where she was going?

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all escape from prison. They hear the cops coming so they each climb a tree.

The cops come and shine flashlights in the trees.

They shine a light on the tree with the brunette and she goes "whoo whoo" like an owl.

They shine the light in the redhead's tree, she goes "Tweet Tweet" like a bird.

They shine the light on the blonde’s tree... "Moooooo".

I love a good joke! What about you?

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Saturday Silliness

Name This Post

Saturday Silliness is simply a place-holder, like you hold a place in line for a friend at the movies. Your assignment is to name this post, anything that suits your fancy. 

Have FUN! 

Ooohh Yeaaa, this cracked me up!

Guess I'll stop now. There's work to do. 

These should hold me for a little while, at least until??! ... whatever...

Happy Saturday Night To Ya'!

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Something's Fishy

Fish Lovers...

Do you know any good fish jokes? I don't. 

Why don't you share your story with us 

in the comments section. 

We'd love to hear all about it.

My Last Fishing Trip

© by ~dellgirl~

My Aquarium 

© by ~dellgirl

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Saturday Night Humor

A little humor to end your Saturday night!

LOLL

Awww, 

Ok, I smiled ... a little.

I'm Still smiling. 

Enough already! Nothing seriously funny here tonight.

Have a Good Saturday Night!

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