Something FUN!

A Guide:  How to be Annoying

 

If you find yourself at a loss for something interesting or fun to do, the following "things-to-do" are a sure thing. They will amuse, tickle, or annoy.

Lighten up, life is serious enough!

Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.  

Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

Leave tips in foreign currency.

Forget the punchline to a long joke but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in family or co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad."

Never make eye contact.

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

 For more fun visit Joke of the Day

Wednesday Afternoon Humor

 Must have been a tough morning

Image Source

This cracked me "ALL-THE-WAY-UP" . . . 

Happy Wednesday!

Hypocrisy & Ambiguity2

~More Hypocrisy & Ambiguity~

Deciding which shoes to wear today . . .  ⇑

1. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

2. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

3. If the police arrest a mime artist, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

4. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

5. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

6. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

7. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

8. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

9. How is it possible to have a civil war?

10. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

11. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

12. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

13. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have "S"in it?

14. Why are haemorrhoids called "haemorrhoids" instead of assteroids"?

15. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

Sunday Night Humor

~The Parrot~

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check."

"Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!"

"I REPEAT: DO-NOT-TALK-TO-MY-PARROT!!!"

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

See? Men just don't listen!!!

Image #1 source

Friday Night Fun - Surprising Definitions

New Meanings for Old Words

Are you ready to iron this out?

ARBITRATOR: n. A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds

DOCTOR n. A person who kills your ills with pills then kills you with bills.

ETC. abb. An abbreviation that makes others think you know more than you actually do.

LIQUOR n. How a male animal cleans his mate.

AIRHEAD (eyr-hed) n. An act you put on when pulled over for speeding.

HAIR DRESSER (hare dres-er) n. A magician who creates a hair style you can never duplicate.

BAR-BE-QUE (bar-buh-Q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up – for the dinner he made for his friends.  

BIDE, v. Past tense of buy.

GOAD, v. Past tense of go

PROPHET, n. What a greedy religious organization ultimately desires (as opposed atheism, a non-prophet organization).

THESAURUS, n.  A dinosaur that studies words.

CONGRESS, n. The antonym of progress.

HAMLET, n. A small pig.

BARIUM, n. What doctors recommend when their patients die.

BENIGN, adj. What you be after you be eight.

NODE, v. Past tense of knew.

SUDAFED: v. Brought a suit against a government official.

OXYMORON, n. Someone who is as dumb as an ox.

DISCLAIMER/WARNING: My love of words has finally got the best of me. This information is completely and totally PLAGIARIZED from alphaDictionary.com  

Happy Weekend Everyone, 

Wishing you all the best!

Stay Safe, dear friends!

Saturday Night Humor

PERKS OF BEING OVER 50   

~If you're not over 50 . . . 

this is what you have to look forward to.~

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 

3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

4. People call at   9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you???"

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat dinner at 4 pm.

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. 

11. You no longer think of speed limits as challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks     into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music. 

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay  off. 

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologist s than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. 

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list! 

And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience. 

You should send this to anyone you can remember!!

Image #1  source -  tech2date.com
Click image #3 to view Source

Monday Night Humor

~Relax & Enjoy~

Some laughs to end your Monday . . . some are old, some are new. 

I hope you gat a chuckle or two. 

I sure did!  

DISCLAIMER: Images are NOT credited because this is from an eMail a friend sent me!