Wednesday Night Humor

A Faithful Woman

An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!"

Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"

Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD, I NEED FOOD!!

I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!" The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD."

The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't."

The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!"

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Hypocrisy and Ambiguity

Hypocrisy and Ambiguity

Hypocrisy: Your actions speak louder than your words.     

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.  

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"  She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Ambiguity: Having more than one meaning.

10. Is there another word for synonym?

11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered      plant?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?


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Weekend Wishes

My Weekend Wish For You...

"When I admire the wonders of a sunset or the beauty of the moon, my soul expands in the worship of the creator." 

~Mahatma Gandhi ~

Sunday Inspiration

Today's Motivation & Inspiration

Happy Sunday Evening Everyone,

Wishing You A Wonderful Week!

Source Unknown: I received this e-Mail from a friend. 

Peach Cobbler Crumb Cake

Peach Cobbler Crumb Cake

 

This quick and easy Peach Cobbler Crumb Cake is so easy to make it will quickly become a family favorite. It is so deliciously satisfying your family will not know the difference between this and a peach cobbler that takes lots more time and effort.

Ingredients:
- 1 box Yellow Cake Mix,
- 1 – 16 oz. can of peaches with syrup,
- 1 stick of margarine

Baking Instructions:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
2. Spray a 9″x13″ baking pan with cooking spray.
3. Pour peaches and syrup into the pan.
4. Sprinkle cake mix over the peaches.
5. Top with margarine slices.
6. Bake at 350 degrees F for 30 minutes or until golden brown.

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This Road Called Life

Life is not a destination,

It is a journey!

Source

Enjoy the Journey!

Saturday Night Humor

Hilarious Senior Humor

Write It Down

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

"Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.

"No, I can remember it."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"

He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it!

Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.

"Where's my toast ?"

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What should I do with this email? Keep it? Or toss it out? Tell us something funny in the comments section. We’d LOVE to hear it.

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Grandparents: Not Just for Women

What Do You Call Your Grandmother?  

    

 

Raise your hand if you know my grandson, Jace. There you go, I knew it. Jace calls me ‘MiMi’.  I called my grandmother,  “Mama Leona”. My children call my mama, “Grandmom”. They call their daddy’s mama, “Mom”.

I have a first cousin who lives around the corner. Her two grand-daughters call her ‘Mee-Moah’ (I probably didn’t spell that correctly). But, that’s okay, I think you get it.

My oldest sister-in-law’s grandchildren call her ‘Momeee’. All of my cousins on my Mama’s side of the family call my Mama, “Nanny”. She is not their grandmother, but they call her Nanny anyway. All of their children and their children’s children call her Nanny too. She is Nanny to many.

With the introductions out of the way, let’s get down to business. What do or did you call your grandmother? Are you a grandmother yourself? What do your grandchildren call you?

                  

This Is Not Just for Women: Are you a grandfather? What do your grandchildren call you?

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A Funny Dam Joke

Dam Fish For Sale

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish.

He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, Dam fish for sale!"

A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.

The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish."

The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.

His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that."

The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.

His son replied, "That's the spirit dad. Pass the ‘fffing’ potatoes!"

My Photo

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Saturday Night Humor

Have you heard any good jokes lately? Tell us all about it in the comments section. I could use a good laugh right about now. Go ahead...

Make Me Laugh!

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"YOU NEED A SHORTER PASSWORD."

While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi.

“It’s taped under the modem,” I told him.

After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?”

By: Sharon McGinley, Talbott, Tennessee

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Did you hear about the 83 year old woman who talked herself out of a speeding ticket by telling the young officer that she had to get there before she forgot where she was going?

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all escape from prison. They hear the cops coming so they each climb a tree.

The cops come and shine flashlights in the trees.

They shine a light on the tree with the brunette and she goes "whoo whoo" like an owl.

They shine the light in the redhead's tree, she goes "Tweet Tweet" like a bird.

They shine the light on the blonde’s tree... "Moooooo".

I love a good joke! What about you?

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