When Toddlers "Talk Back"
One
morning 4 year old, grandson Jace, disagreed with something I had told him to
do. He had his reasons for not wanting to do as I asked. He and I talked back
and forth about it for a minute. I stated my POV, Jace stated his POV. I listen to
him without consequence.
My
mama sat watching and listening to the whole thing with this totally
disapproving look on her face. When Jace and I finished discussing the
situation and I hadn’t “beat him to a pulp”, Mama asked, “Is he talking back to
you?”
I
answered her, “Yes, he is”. And, I left it at that. I knew her mind was
churning a mile a minute about what SHE
would have done or possibly what I should have done differently.
What
I didn’t even try to explain to her is this. Jace is an exceptionally bright
and strong-willed child. He has a mind of his own, already. He is adamant about
what he does want and more so about what he does not want. For now, I give him
the opportunity to “talk back”. I want him to let me know what’s on his mind.
I
always discuss “talking back” and what is acceptable and what is not with Jace
immediately following one of these circumstances. I plan to continue these
discussions until he is old enough and his understanding has developed to the
point where he knows what is acceptable and what is not.
My
personal opinion, for me and mine, is this. I want Jace to have a voice and not
be afraid to speak-up when he needs to. A spanking/butt whooping is not the
answer. It would serve no good purpose to spank a child and have them fear
talking to you or with you.
I
further believe that I can better help Jace by helping him understand the
difference between speaking up for himself, stating his opinions or
frustrations, and simply being disrespectful.
Do
you think kids should have a voice? Do you believe in the old, “Do What I Tell
You to do Without Question”? What are your thoughts on this?
I remember once reading that it should be OK to say as a parent, “Because I told you so.” That said... I agree with you completely. I really feel children need to be heard and their point of view respected. They also need to be guided as to what is disrespectful and how to state their case appropriately.
ReplyDeleteYes, Kay. I agree with you, and I've gotten to "because I SAID so". When it is an absolute MUST DO without question, I tell him "because I said so".
DeleteThank you so much for visiting. I really appreciate that you took the time to comment. I am thankful for your support and for the lovely comment.
I agree with Kay but must confess I spanked my sons while raising them until they got too big. Don't think I would do that if I were to do it over...
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for visiting, Lin. I really appreciate that you took the time to leave that nice comment. I am thankful for your support.
DeleteJace is lucky to have a grandma like you!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kathy. That means a lot to me. I really appreciate the nice comment. It's so good to see you here. Please come again soon.
DeleteI like that they can state their opinion, hopefully in a respectful manner.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you, Christine. Thank you so much for visiting. I appreciate that you took the time to comment. I am thankful for your support and for the lovely comment.
DeleteHi Dellgirl I love your approach to Jace's answering back,I believe you are doing the right thing for him,happy new year my friend xx
ReplyDeleteHey there, Sheryl. Thank you so much for visiting and for leaving such a great comment. I appreciate both your visit and your support.
DeleteHe's got a nice outfit in the first picture, and looks very busy in the second one.
ReplyDeleteWell, I kind of belong to the old school of education. I'm definitely against spanking, but there are all sorts of intermediary ways of punishment for a disobedient toddler.
Thank you for visiting and reading, and especially for commenting on my post. I’m happy you stopped by. That’s so kind of you. Your visit and your comment means a lot to me.
DeleteShutting a kid down does not work out in the long run.
ReplyDeleteMike, you are so right...Shutting a kid down does not work out well. Thank you for stopping by to visit and for reading this. I really appreciate that, and I’m especially glad that you made it a point to leave such a nice comment.
DeleteI'm glad that you are free to approach this matter in a way that sits well with your spirit. Jace is such a cute little fella and he's lucky to have you.
ReplyDeleteIt’s so good to see you. Thank you for coming by to read and look around. I really appreciate that you took the time to leave such a lovely comment.
DeleteI loved reading your post! I agree with you as long as the conversation is respectful. They also must know that sometimes they have to do what they are told to do even though they may disagree. My little 6 year old Granddaughter has a very strong personality which can be good and bad. But she knows when I ask her to do something I have a good reason. I explain it to her and the consequences of not doing what she was asked to go. Kids today have no respect for authority which is not a good thing. Thanks for stopping by my blog. We are all under the weather and hope to post something soon.
ReplyDeleteHi Nancy, I'm tickled pink to see you. Thank you for visiting and reading, and especially for commenting on my post. I’m happy you stopped by. That’s so kind of you. Your visit and your insightful thoughtful comment means a lot.
DeleteYes, I agree with what you are doing to your grandson..
ReplyDeleteHave a wonderful day
Thank you so much for visiting. I’m happy that you took the time to read it. I’m also grateful that you made it a point to leave a nice comment.
DeleteBack in the day, my parents didn't give me that option, but I know that today, it's important to talk to children, and given them the opportunity to share opinions in a respectful manner, so I think your approach was perfect, and a great teachable moment. Hugs, RO
ReplyDeleteHey there, RO. I'm glad to see smiling face here. Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to stop by. Your visits mean a lot to me. Thanks especially for the great comment.
DeleteWe all need to be heard and not shut down. Of course, I think there is also unacceptable 'talking back' but although I spanked some, I deeply regret it now. I doubt that it is ever acceptable, despite what that one line from the Book says.
ReplyDeleteHi there Anvilcloud. It’s good to see you here today. Thank you for coming by to read and look around. I’m happy that you took the time to leave such an insightful comment. You made my day!
DeleteGood questions to ask and know as a parent. I think it's important for kids to be heard and know that they can be open to share anything that's on their mind. That being said, I agree, it's never too early to teach kids character attributes like respect, love, kindness, etc. It's always best to lead by example!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you, AJ. It is very important for kids to be heard and know that they can be open to share anything that's on their mind. If we don't teach kids character attributes like respect, love, kindness, we are setting them up for future failure.
DeleteThank you so much for the wise words. That should be front and center on our journey through raising our children and grand children.
Resect-- and that is the name of the game. Talking back, which you don't allow I am taking it as...is not. You as a child, are not knowledgable nor is your way the best way. That's why we have parents. It's alright to ask why...ask for an explanation or how to do something. Refusal and argumentativeness is not a good option; but Jace is not that way. You are doing a superb job.
ReplyDeleteYes, you're so right, Katie. Resect is the name of the game! Any discussions about disagreement must be stated respectfully. State your opinion then listen to mine. In the end, we will come to an agreement.
DeleteIf it is something I say you (Jace) MUST do, that is a "horse of a different color...you MUST DO IT. End of Story!
I used your method. I thought the kid would grow up to be a lawyer but she ended up in our Foreign Service and is now an ambassador. She makes great speeches and is the quickest study I have ever encountered. Keep up the (frustrating but necessary) good work.
ReplyDeleteHi there, Mary. It’s good to see you today. Thank you for stopping by to visit and for reading this. I really appreciate that.
DeleteI’m especially glad that you made it a point to leave such a nice comment. I’m smiling from ear-to-ear about that.
What a great post.
ReplyDeleteTimes and the way children are being bought up has changed over the years, some of it (in my opinion) good, while some not so good!
I do think it is important for children to be heard, take time to listen and for them to listen to you. They need to be shown and taught about respect, kindness and love.
It's not always easy to be a parent (or Grandparent) we each do the best we can ...
My good wishes to you.
All the best Jan
Hey there, Jan. It's so good to see you. You're right, it is definitely important for children to be heard. They need to be shown respect and taught about respect, kindness and love through our actions.
DeleteThank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to stop by. Your visits mean a lot to me. Thanks also for the insightful comment.