A Chuckle to End the Day

 

A Very Smart Mule

A young farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.

So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."

"And what about the men?" the minister asked.

"They all wanted to know if the mule was for sale."

It’s Never Too Late to Laugh!

1^st… Remember …
They Walk Among Us!

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.

 

He thought about it for some time before responding.

"Ummm, Just cut it ...

...into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."

 

Yes, They Walk Among Us!

~~~~~~~~~~          ~~~~~~~~~~          ~~~~~~~~~~      

2^nd - Higher Education

A dog is so smart that his master decides to send him to college. Home for vacation, his master asks him how college is going.

"Well", says the dog, "I'm not doing too great in science and math, but I have made a lot of progress in foreign languages."

"Really!" says the master. "Say something in a foreign language."

The dog says, "Meow !"

~~~~~~~~~~          ~~~~~~~~~~          ~~~~~~~~~~      

#3 -Days of the Week

Without God, the days of our week are:

 Mournday

Tearsday
Wasteday
Thirstday

Fightday

Shatterday

and,

Sinday

So, allow Him to be with you every day!'

'Life is short, so forgive quickly.

Believe slowly ... Love truly.

Laugh uncontrollably…every chance you get

Never regret anything that makes you happy.

And, have a wonderfully blessed Sunday night!

~~~~~~~~~~          ~~~~~~~~~~          ~~~~~~~~~~      

They Live Among Us

Dumb Criminals

A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires."

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The man sued.... and won.

In delivering the ruling the judge agreeing that the claim was frivolous, stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires."

After the man cashed the check, however, the company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

SMH . . . 👀

ICE - In Case of Emergency: Revisited

Apparently, this is a standard procedure all paramedics follow at the scene of an accident when they come across your cell phone.

ICE - 'In Case of Emergency' We all carry our mobile phones with names & numbers stored in its memory but nobody, other than ourselves, knows which of these numbers belong to our closest family or friends.

If we were to be involved in an accident or were taken ill, the people attending us would have our mobile phone but wouldn't know who to call. Yes, there are hundreds of numbers stored but which one is the contact person in case of an emergency? Hence this 'ICE' -In Case of Emergency- Campaign.

The concept of 'ICE' is catching on quickly. It is a method of contact during emergency situations. As cell/mobile phones are carried by the majority of the population, all you need to do is store the number of a contact person or persons who should be contacted during emergency under the name 'ICE' - In Case of Emergency.

The idea was thought up by a paramedic who found that when he went to the scenes of accidents, there were always mobile phones with patients, but they didn't know which number to call. He therefore thought that it would be a good idea if there was a nationally recognized name for this purpose. 

In an emergency situation, Emergency Service personnel and hospital Staff would be able to quickly contact the right person by simply dialing the number you have stored as 'ICE.'

For more than one contact name simply enter ICE1, ICE2 and ICE3 etc. A great idea that will make a difference! 

Let's spread the concept of ICE by storing an ICE number in our Mobile phones today!

Please forward this. It won't take too many 'forwards' before everybody will know about this. It really could save your life OR put a loved one's mind at rest.

ICE will speak for you when you are not able to speak for yourself. 

Cats & Dogs

Higher Education 

A dog is so smart that his master decides to send him to college. Home for vacation, his master asks him how college is going.

"Well", says the dog, "I'm not doing too great in science and math, but I have made a lot of progress in foreign languages."

"Really!" says the master. "Say something in a foreign language."

The dog says, "Meow !"

_________________________________________________________

The Parrot

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check ."

"Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!"

"I REPEAT: DO-NOT-TALK-TO-MY-PARROT!!!"

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

See? Men just don't listen!!!

Click Images to View Source

Older Than Dirt Quiz

This is a Test to see how old you are.

 Some of you will pass with flying colors. Others will fall somewhere in the middle. Lastly, some of you/us will fail miserably. Not to worry though . . . it’s all in GOOD FUN!

Directions: Count all the ones that you remember, not the ones you were told about. Ratings are at the bottom.

1. Blackjack chewing gum.

2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water.

3. Candy cigarettes.

4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles.

5. Coffee shops or diners with table side jukeboxes.

6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers.

7. Party lines on the telephone.

8. Newsreels before the movie.

9. P.F. Flyers.

10. Butch wax.

11.TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning.  (there were only 3 channels...(if you were fortunate).

12. Peashooters.

13. Howdy Doody.

14. 45 RPM records and Record Players.

15. S&H green stamps.

16. Hi-fi's.

17. Metal ice trays with lever.

18. Mimeograph paper.

19. Blue flashbulbs.

20. Packards.

21. Roller skate keys.

22. Cork popguns.

23. Drive-ins.

24. Studebakers.

25. Rub Boards and/or Wash tub wringers.

Ratings:

If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young.

If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older.

 

If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,

If you remembered 16-25 = You' re older than dirt!

Kids Say the Darndest Things

They Are Really Quick

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair eating a snack cake while her dad gets his hair cut.

The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."

She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."

Happy Saturday Night Blog Friends!

Let This Be A Lesson

 Do Not Judge A Book By Its Cover

A lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband, dressed in a homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the train in Boston and walked timidly without an appointment into the Harvard University President's outer office.  The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods, country hicks had no business at Harvard, & probably didn't even deserve to be in Cambridge.
                        
'We'd like to see the president,' the man said softly.
                        
'He'll be busy all day,' the secretary snapped.
                        
'We'll wait,' the lady replied.
                        
For hours the secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple would finally become discouraged and go away.
                        
They didn't, and the secretary grew frustrated and finally decided to disturb the president, even though it was a chore she always regretted.

                 

'Maybe if you see them for a few minutes, they'll leave,' she said to him!
                        
 He sighed in exasperation and nodded. Someone of his importance obviously didn't have the time to spend with them, and he detested gingham dresses and homespun suits cluttering up his outer office.  The president, stern faced and with dignity, strutted toward the couple.
                        
The lady told him, 'We had a son who attended Harvard for one year.  He loved Harvard.  He was happy here.  But about a year ago, he was accidentally killed.  My husband and I would like to erect a memorial to him, somewhere on campus.'
                        
The president wasn't touched.  He was shocked.
                        
'Madam,' he said, gruffly, 'we can't put up a statue for every person who attended Harvard and died.  If we did, this place would look like a cemetery.'
                        
'Oh, no,' the lady explained quickly.  'We don't want to erect a statue.  We thought we would like to give a building to Harvard.'
                        
The president rolled his eyes. He glanced at the gingham dress and homespun suit, then exclaimed, 'A building!  Do you have any earthly idea how much a building costs?  We have over seven and a half million dollars in the physical buildings here at Harvard.'
                        
For a moment the lady was silent.  The president was pleased.  Maybe he could get rid of them now.  The lady turned to her husband and said quietly, 'Is that all it cost to start a university?  Why don't we just start our own? '

                        
Her husband nodded. The president's face wilted in confusion and bewilderment.
                        
Mr. and Mrs. Leland Stanford got up and walked away, traveling to Palo Alto, California where they established the university that bears their name, Stanford University, a memorial to a son that Harvard no longer cared about.

                     

Moral of the Story:

You can easily judge the character of others by how they treat those who they think can do nothing for them.
                        

 ~~ A TRUE STORY by Malcolm Forbes ~~

Saturday Night Humor

PERKS OF BEING OVER 50   

~If you're not over 50 . . . 

this is what you have to look forward to.~

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 

3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

4. People call at   9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you???"

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat dinner at 4 pm.

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. 

11. You no longer think of speed limits as challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks     into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music. 

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay  off. 

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologist s than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. 

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list! 

And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience. 

You should send this to anyone you can remember!!

Image #1  source -  tech2date.com
Click image #3 to view Source

Monday Night Humor

~Relax & Enjoy~

Some laughs to end your Monday . . . some are old, some are new. 

I hope you gat a chuckle or two. 

I sure did!  

DISCLAIMER: Images are NOT credited because this is from an eMail a friend sent me!