Have You Heard Any Good Jokes Lately?
I need a good laugh to put me to sleep tonight. OR, you
could just make me go…ummm…huh? Tell us about it in the comments section. Make me LAUGH!
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One night an elderly lady came home from her weekly prayer
meeting, found she was being robbed, and she shouted out, "Acts 2:38:
'Repent and be baptized and your sins will be forgiven.'"
The robber quickly gave up and the lady called the police.
While handcuffing the
criminal, a policeman said, "Gee mate, you gave up pretty easily. How come
you gave up so quickly?"
The robber said, "She said she had an ax and two
38's!"
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A
man went to the cashier, and said, "I'll have a bottle of Polish Vodka,
please."
She
replied "You are Polish, aren't you?"
He
said, indignantly "Because I like Polish Vodka makes me Polish, does
it!!!"
She
said "No. It's just that this is a hardware store."
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Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Madame
Madame who?
Madame foot is caught in the door!
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Q: What's the difference between the bird flu and the swine
flu?
A: One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.
A: One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.
Q: What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
A: Reality
A: Reality
Q: Where do Volkswagens go when they get old
A: The Old Volks home!
A: The Old Volks home!
Q: Why do abcdefghijklmopqrstuvwxy & z hate hanging out
with the letter n?
A: Because n always has to be the center of attention.
A: Because n always has to be the center of attention.
Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
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Laugh Your Head Off!
Laugh Your Head Off!
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A guy sits down in a restaurant and orders a bowl of chili.
ReplyDeleteThe waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl".
He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?"
The other guy says, "No. Help yourself".
He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat. When he gets about halfway down, his spoon hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl.
The other guy says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got, too".
My six year old Granddaughter told me the following:
ReplyDeleteWhy was the baby strawberry crying? Beacause her Mom & Dad are in a jam!
Why did the skelton go to the dance alone? He had no body to go with him!
Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer? Because she always runs away from the ball!
What type of music are balloons afraid of? Pop music!
Have a great week!
Thanks for the laughs!
ReplyDeleteThe Madame joke is a real oldie that I first heard in school when I was 12.
ReplyDeleteThe hurricane joke is the best.
Here's a mild contribution. It was an actual tv news headline. "Man in boxers leads police on brief chase."
Thank you for the laughs. I’m smiling over here.
ReplyDeleteI'm smiling :)
ReplyDeleteAll the best Jan