Wednesday, July 23, 2008

We've Got Rain

I hadn't quite decided what to write about today. I kept going over a couple of things that made a nest up in my head as I stumbled from one menial task after another. I blundered very un-lady-like through them, grunting aloud to myself about the unfairness of household chores, until I had them in a managable pile.

This done, I switch on my computer to check out my friends blogs to see what everybody is up to today. It doesn't take long to realize that weather is a hot topic. Many of my blog friends have rain, some have storms, others like myself are bone dry hoping for a bit of harmless rain. A little over halfway through my short friends list, a dull rumbling in the background catches my attention.

I crack the curtain to look out and "bwa-laa, RAIN". Yes. Rain in Houston, finally. Oooh, this is so good. It has been dry and hot for sooo long. I head for the door to get a better look. The minute I open the door, a quick movement on the floor by my feet catch my . . .

OMG!! What the $$@#@ ?! What in tha?! OOOH! Feet dancing heart racing body trying to decide what in the world to do. What the heck it that?! Can't stand sn_ _ _ s! Can't even bear to look at them on television. This is terrible!

Quick! Grab something! Get it before it goes further into the house. Hit the wall there, make some noise so it won't come any further in. What can I hit it with?! My slipper is too soft. There is nothing handy here to smash the durn thing with. OMG! Ooh, HOLY CR##@#@!!

Over there! By the door, in the umbrella basket, grab the hedge clippers. Keep pounding and banging the floor the wall, keep that thing confused and trapped here at the doorway. Don't let it get past you!

WHAMM! I clobber it good with the hedge clippers. Knocked it silly. Now he's dazed, trying to find his way out. Going in little circles. Now he's going the wrong way. Oooo! That way leads to the living room, WHAM. Hit him again. This time his tail breaks off. It's jumping wiggling and squirming around all by itself while I pound and bang the bigger part till it stops moving.

Whew! I'm out of breath, huffing and puffing like I just finished running the 100 mile dash, heart's about to burst out of my chest. Blood pressure probably spiked 50 points. Is it dead? Yea. It's dead, what is it. Don't know, it's too banged up to tell. Was it a big giant fast worm, a lizzard lost his way from the flower bed in front of the door, or was it a sn_ k_? Can't stand those things!

Don't know what it was. Too tired to think about. Before I beat it into pieces, it was every bit of 3 inches long and about as fat as a pencil. I pick it up with paper towel, almost put it in the trash can. Ooops! Can't do that. IT might still be alive. I put it in a re-cycled jelly jar, screw the lid on -- really tight. Then, put it in the trash.

Now I'm fit to be tied! What if it had gotten away? Gone into the bedrooms? What if it had waited till tonight when I'm all cozy tucked in bed and came wiggling . . .

Okay, Leona. Enough already! It's dead. That's done. Calm down.
Breathe. 1-2-3. Good.

5 comments:

Lin said...

you need to read my find your pause button, but sounds like you did okay-you got it. i had an encounter with a cockroach the other day. i thought it was dead and reached over to pick it up with a kleenex when it started wiggling well i screamed like it was a snake or spider and called for my husband to come and get it. normally i would just dispose of it but i was relieved to have hubby help me. i think it the surprise elements of it. what was your thing?

Jordyn said...

100 mile dash? really? you are so dramatic ;~)

i think we can both agree...better you than me...

caroldee said...

HON. I got goose bumps. I HATE AND REALLY I MEAN IT HATE those things.. ewwwwwwww (shudder) scaredy cat here for sure.. I think I would have tried to shove it out with a broom or something.. worked with the mice I had once.. don't know about those things though... ughh hope you have no more visitors like that for a long long time!! TAKE CARE... : )

Kay said...

It was so exciting to read your post! You are such a fabulous writer. Spiders are more my phobia. I'm just very, very happy that we are not supposed to have snakes in Hawaii. I hope it stays that way.

mom/caryn said...

Okay... I probably shouldn't be laughing so hard, but the visual image your words created just left me out of breath and wanting to laugh at how proposterous it is for us female types to get so hyper over teensy, squiggly things.
I actually found myself lifting my feet off the floor when I read it.

Loved the post.